I always feel weird having a birthday on a holiday that more and more people seem to not care about (disinterest in the holiday. not my birthday. I don’t really care for my birthday, either. I guess it’s disinterest in everything) Particularly because I’m in the military. 

eah

What decides who you are?

KWAI,

Because some people  may respond to this negatively (even though I don’t give a flying fuck) I am going to begin by letting you all know that despite my outwardly appearance, I am Native American (my family is also of French decent). I am part of a tribe, part of a nation, and actively do my best to follow The Red Road.

I have, before, ranted about the ‘war-bonnet craze’ and the cultural appropriation of such an action. (despite my insistence of “it’s not a fashion statement” I still got anon messages that tried to insist to me the very same thing).

Here’s the catch. Native American people are a sporadic group. We all have similar ideals, but we all view things differently.

I prefer the term “Native American” over “Indian” (though I’ve gotten pretty good at not angrily correcting people); I have noticed this is so of a lot of the younger generations, though most of our Elders don’t hang themselves up over whether it should be “Native American” or “Indian”. They also don’t concern themselves with the hatred of colour against colour, or the punishments of others for deeds done by their grandfathers. They do not advocate that “all races are equal” but that “we are all brothers”.

In the legend of The Sacred Tree, we were all joined in the beginning in harmony. We will all find our path back to that very same beginning. 

I see people rapidly speaking out against people putting on the bonnets and “war-paint”

I keep seeing a use of the term ‘redface’. 

I don’t see how that is any way appropriate, and how anyone doesn’t realize that is just as bad as people parading around in stereotypical attire. 

How can you sit there and tell someone they are wrong when you are calling the Native American people “Redface”. I find this particularly disturbing and hypocritical when coming from someone else of Native decent. 

ALSO, Can we focus on the racism among our own tribes, for a second? Like. Holy fucking shit. 

I see it mostly coming from the younger generations (hello, fucked up society) 

for all you “redface” talkers out there, you’ll notice that I am not red-skinned (though I do get ridiculously dark, ridiculously fast). I have a beautiful mix of native and french features.

I have had my heritage challenged many, many times before. I have even been called a “pinto” and “diluted”.

“What tribe are you?”

“Is that even a real tribe?”

“what part of you?”

WHAT PART ARE YOU.

WELL, MAYBE MY TORSO, KIND SIR, BUT IT’S MY FEET THAT ARE MOSTLY FRENCH.

ignorance. pure ignorance.

I used to get upset at the people walking around telling me they’re 1/16 Cherokee and acting like they own the world. But if they want to be proud of it, why should I stand in the way? We are all of the same Creator. We were made to love. (not to mention that most people who challenge my heritage are either not native american at all or have a laughable percentage compared to my own).

I actually don’t even remember my percentage anymore; we’re somewhere around or more than half. 

Why should we be caught up in percentages, though? To me, it has always been more than race. Being Native is a walk of life. There are certain thought-processes and traditions that are being forgotten by most of the new generation. 

I understand that, in this new world, we have to compromise many, many times. But to abandon all our ideals in the fight against cultural appropriation is a loss all in it’s own. 

How can we think to influence any other People with such hatred in our own backyards? It makes me sick to my stomach to see Native American people arguing about what is “native american” and always reverting back to the colour of their skin.

(before anyone starts, despite my French heritage; the Abenaki are not of the Plains, West or Southwest. We’re North Eastern.)

There’s a general idea in most things I’m reading that dressing up in the attire and the paint and hooting and hollaring is what is hindering the Native American people. It’s not, and if in my rant I anyway suggested that- my bad. The only thing that is really keeping the Native People back are the Native People. There is so much acceptance of “just let it be” that many do not have the want to stand up and protest all day. 

Like I said, sporadic. Some people are just content with where they’ve arrived to. They’ve learned to live with it. You can’t make anyone jump if they don’t want to. 

I can’t even think straight right now this stuff gets me so distressed. I am done for the time being, but there will be more of these in the future. 

(for those who want to know a “Pinto” is dirty slang for someone who is half-blood, white/native mix…. which kind of sounds like a Harry Potterish thing….)

“good things happen to good people” / “bad things happen to bad people”

Where did the Just-World Theory come from? Why, even though we experience situations that clearly prove otherwise, do we still believe in it- even as children?

I have heard people say that they believe the theory is false, but turn around after an incident and say “how could this happen to me? I’m a good person- I didn’t do anything wrong.” Even I am a culprit of such things. 

It’s hard to believe “everything happens for a reason” when faced with tragedy or trauma. Almost equally hard to believe is that everything is chance. To think we are ultimately alone in the cosmos is almost too depressing-but if there does exist a higher creator (higher creators), shouldn’t the adversities have meaning? Shouldn’t they/he/she be regulating this, on some level?

Where is the meaning behind rape, murder, racism and other forms of hatred/violence?

Is it survival of the fittest? If that is the case, shouldn’t we all be extinct? Illnesses plague humanity, in both body and mind, and some there is no immunity to. Is a deaf child evolved, or in the greater scheme of survival, meant for destruction? Is there a greater purpose for what he was born into? Or does he just exist?

It’s easy to say our adversities make us stronger (we grow, we learn), but that still does not excuse the incident that triggered such growth. It’s still there. It still happened. 

Who would we be if this, truly, were a just-world?

Would we even like ourselves?

Would we even survive?

“you look like a wildberry poptart”

there’s a cavern in my heart

running deep 

and running dark

it’s not evil

it’s not good

it just is

it just is

stained with love

I keep the pages

tucked away

folded up

all the words I cannot write

all the words I cannot say

it’s not easy

it’s not hard

it just is

it just is

I received a message from the attorney who had worked my case while I was in Iraq. After calling her I was given some…shocking news. 

A woman has come forward with another rape charge against the very same man who raped me. 

It was several years ago in 2005. He drugged her and raped her. While in Iraq. 

Just as he did me. The similarities are flooring. 

They gave me the option to come in and tell my story again for the prosecution. As scary as it is, and as hard as I know it’ll be, I will do practically anything to help this woman get the justice she deserves. 

There are so many emotions, and I don’t know how to confront them all. I am waiting for the prosecution to get ahold of me. I don’t know when it will be or what’s going to happen…

I really hope this man gets every bit of bad news coming to him. 

*NOTE* I should mention he has already been convicted and sentenced for my case. In which, if this woman pursues persecution, he’ll be convicted twice of the same charges. 

I already took the stand against him in 2010 while I was in Iraq. The trial lasted for almost 6 months, in which he was convicted of every charge but for the drugs that toxicology found in my system (they said it was “circumstantial” because there was no way to PROVE he put it in my system. Like I go around chugging massive amounts of tetrahydrozoline. We even brought in a specialist. whatever.)

I have been struggling with something for months, and I don’t know what to do about it. 

Maybe I should have faced it when I first discovered it, but I didn’t. I put it on the backburner, but it rages in my head. 

Thank you very, very much! That has made my day :D

some human beings are absolutely disgusting.

and ignorant.

straight-on

thank you. I put in a lot of time (though not enough).